Dilemmas of coming down
What about my relationship? What will my family think if they find out that I’m going to rehab? What about life after rehab? Can I stay sober after rehab or is going to be a losing battle? Facing these issues can be enough to not even try. It seems so much easier to struggle on in meth’s death grip than it is to become clean and face all these issues.
I really just wanted to quit and move on with my life – of course, not expecting the loss that would come with quitting. I did desperately want Mark to quit but I just knew that he wouldn’t; he never thought meth was our problem, only mine. He said that I couldn’t handle it. Yeah, I couldn’t. I didn’t know how life would be after meth but I just knew that I had to quit; so I jumped off the cliff (so to say) and called my dad and told him what was going on.
What now? I no longer could go back to Mark unless I wanted to deal with meth in my face every day. I was going to have to leave him and that was a wonderful relationship completely torn apart by meth. I had a horse, dog, and all my earthly possession stuck at Mark’s house. I had a job that I might be able to keep if I meet all the criteria (but ended up losing). I have no money because I’m not getting pain while on leave. My car was buried in five feet of snow and I had counselling appointments to get to if I wanted to keep that job (that I ended up losing). All of this was waiting for me once I was able to pick my head off my dad’s floor where I had been sleeping for about 4 days coming down. I woke up to a freezing New Year’s Eve and all this stress. It could make a person want to use again.
In answer to the dilemma that the addicted boyfriend will be there when you get out of rehab has a definitive conclusion: to be free from meth will mean that meth must be removed from your life. Did your heart just sink? Please, have courage and don’t let it. If you choose to go to rehab and it’s time to re-enter the world, wouldn’t you rather be free to get on your feet, become strong in the new person that you will become, have a place for a new, healthy relationship to eventually grow?
Friend, this dilemma is so hard. Besides going through a major sense of loss missing the meth, I missed the good times with Mark. When I’d start feeling so sick missing him, I would just remember the meth fighting and that part I didn’t miss. It’s hard to cut the bad relationships out but that now leaves a place for you to heal, to become strong on your own, and have an opportunity for new love that will last.
You can’t tell anyone around you that you are using and when people notice the changes that you go through while being addicted, you must lie and isolate to hide your secrete life. So, to the addict that hesitates going to rehab because it means that you’ll have to tell your family that you’re addicted, the truth is part of setting you free. Are you worried that they will think badly of you? Why? Because you realize that you have a problem and want to fix it? Because you know that you are destroying yourself and have decided that you don’t want that to happen?
If you want to go to rehab, GO TO REHAB! Anything is better than living another day under meth’s death grip. If you lose a bad, unhealthy relationship, great! There will be healthy relationships in your future. If you need to be truthful and tell your family, great! That might be the first step in getting their support and open up a new relationship. Getting clean is one step at a time process and TODAY is a great day to take that first step.